Siwoo gnawed on his lower lip with his teeth as he stared blankly at his phone screen.
He didn’t want to think about anything, so he spent hours watching flashy action movies. It would be more accurate to say he had them playing rather than actually watching them.
He sat there in a daze, stroking Ongi who was purring contentedly.
When he picked up his phone to check it, a long sigh escaped his lips.
A few specific people had tried very hard to contact him. Though he’d unintentionally ignored all their messages, his hand was now stopped on one person’s messages.
[Siwoo-ya. Please answer me.]
[Should we meet and talk?]
[I’m sorry I couldn’t keep our dinner plans.]
[It’s all my fault.]
[Coco-ya.]
Siwoo rubbed roughly under his nose. At some point, whenever he thought of Evan, a strange scent came to mind along with him. He suddenly remembered Evan asking if he didn’t know his pheromones.
That can’t be.
He typed and deleted several times.
He wrote asking if the dating rumor was true, then deleted it.
In the end, the last thing he chose was to say congratulations.
They looked so good together.
After doing that, emptiness washed over him.
“Kim Siwoo. You’ve really gone crazy.”
Muttering to himself, Siwoo went to sit in front of the computer with Ongi.
It felt like he hadn’t communicated with the Coco-moms for too long. Maybe chatting with them would make things okay?
Without time to think deeply, his hands moved first.
“Hello.”
Wearing comfortable shorts and a round-neck short-sleeve t-shirt that he used as pajamas, Siwoo waved at the screen. Seeing the participant count rapidly increasing, he stuck his tongue out slightly and licked his dry lips.
“It’s late, what are you all doing up instead of sleeping?”
The chat was moving up too fast to read properly.
When he showed Ongi next to him, comments saying how cute flooded in quickly. Occasionally there were questions about what he was doing, and comments about Evan’s dating rumor also came up.
“I couldn’t sleep so I came on. Huh? It’s raining? Since when did it start?”
Seeing comments about rain, Siwoo got up from his seat and walked to the window. Autumn rain had been falling since who knows when.
When he opened the window without hesitation, cool rain sounds poured in along with the cold wind carrying the change of seasons.
“The sound of rain is so nice.”
Returning to his seat with the door left open, Siwoo hummed a song related to rain. When comments came up asking him to sing properly, he just smiled sheepishly.
“So many people are coming in right now. Ah, if I’d known this would happen, I should’ve prepared properly. I should’ve prepared songs and come on like that. What songs are there related to rain?”
He didn’t want to do things he’d regret like before. Since he regretted not talking intimately with the Coco-moms and singing lots of songs for them back then, Siwoo asked them to tell him song titles they wanted to hear.
“The screen is moving up too fast right now, I can’t read it. A bit slower please.”
As soon as he said he couldn’t read it, the chat slowed down. Finding it both amazing and awkward how things changed with just one word from him, he ran his hand through his hair for no reason and focused on the chat.
As expected, being impulsive wasn’t good. Once the chat slowed down, he could see it clearly. Comments related to Evan. There were also comments saying didn’t he know since they were friends. Comments asking how he was and song titles people wanted to hear came up mixed together in a mess.
And his eyes caught on one comment that passed by fleetingly.
[CocoIsMine: Answer the phone.]
Thinking he’d seen wrong, Siwoo closed his eyes for a bit longer before opening them, then leaned back to sing the most requested song. He’d gotten close to the monitor to see the chat.
[CocoIsMine: At least check your messages.]
It passed by quickly again, but Siwoo’s heart started racing wildly on its own.
He grabbed his phone from the desk and headed straight to the window.
The time approaching dawn. The street at night, settled with the quietness Siwoo loved most, had no passing cars. Only the orange streetlights brightened the darkness. And the rain pouring down over it fully displayed the elegance of an autumn rainy night.
Then, as if it had been waiting, his phone rang. Siwoo quickly checked the screen first.
[Evan]
When he checked the screen and moved his gaze back to the street, one person slowly walked out toward the road from the darkness across the street.
One person wearing a hat with his head down stopped under a streetlight.
The man holding the phone to his ear slowly raised his head.
He couldn’t see the face clearly of that person looking up at him from below.
But the black hat he always wore.
That height, that build, that feeling pointed to one person.
“Is that you?”
Slowly raising his hand and bringing the phone to his ear, that was all Siwoo could say.
“Yeah.”
“You shouldn’t be there.”
“I know.”
“Don’t get rained on and go back. It’s late.”
“I know.”
“But…”
“I missed you.”
The words exchanged calmly. Siwoo stroked his face with the hand not holding the phone. His mouth felt bitter and astringent. Depression rushed in and his chest became so tight it felt like it would burst.
His stomach tightened and his head spun as if he’d drunk alcohol.
“Coco.”
He called his name in a sweet voice as if calling a lover, but Siwoo couldn’t answer.
He slowly breathed in and exhaled just as slowly.
But soon that became difficult.
This feeling wasn’t unfamiliar. He’d felt it before.
A complex of emotions he couldn’t handle. With the hand that had been stroking his face, he tapped his left chest.
“Hang up, right now!”
Evan’s voice, which had been soft and gentle, was rough. He pressed him in a loud voice.
Siwoo shook his head.
With each breath, a mint scent containing cold wind that felt sharp, almost stinging, seemed to wrap around him.
When he thought something was wrong, Siwoo slumped down in that spot.
Tears dripped from his eyes, which still had the phone to his ear, and flowed down his cheeks.
“Evan.”
Since no voice came through, Siwoo called his name and only then realized the call had ended.
The strength left his entire body and he became hazy. The phone slipped from his weakly dropped hand and rolled on the floor.
“Meow.”
As if worried about him, Ongi circled around making meowing sounds. Pain like someone was gripping his heart periodically washed over and disappeared. All he could do now was gasp for breath.
Clearly something was happening to him. Something he didn’t know about was definitely happening. The scent that seemed to have been wrapping around him just moments ago had also disappeared.
“It’s okay.”
Whether worried about him suddenly showing various states, Ongi kept circling around crying in a small voice.
Siwoo, who had been crouching, was now curled up lying on the floor.
He wrapped the anxious-looking Ongi in his hands and pulled it to his chest.
As if a violent storm had passed, this time different emotions from the beginning rushed in like a rising tide.
Worry, anxiety, unease. But the biggest among these was worry. Worrying about someone.
Ongi’s rough tongue licked his hand. As if to say it’s okay, as if it would be okay. The small being was trying to comfort him.
His body, which had been tense from the surging emotions, relaxed languidly.
“What the hell is really happening…”
At the sound of the door lock password being entered, Siwoo pressed both arms on the floor and raised his upper body.
Loud sounds followed in succession, and one person entered his view.
Of all times, now.
Evan bit down hard on his molars.
Siwoo’s breathing became unstable. And in that moment he realized.
Emotional synchronization. Not helpful at all, all these maddening emotions were completely transferred to him.
He ran just like that. He jaywalked, entered the passcode he knew well, and went into the building.
He happened to get on the elevator that was on the first floor, but unlike his urgent heart, watching the elevator numbers rise slowly, Evan roughly ran his hand through his hair.
It wasn’t Siwoo who was the problem—he needed to control his own emotions.
He needed to know for certain, and there were more than one or two problems to solve.
He didn’t know emotional synchronization, which he’d only seen in books, would be like this. What happened at the amusement park was really just a fleeting moment.
It was only a few seconds, so at first he had doubts. But now he could know for certain.
His hands trembled so the door lock password didn’t press properly.
Opening the door and standing directly in front of his study, Evan stroked his face with one hand.
“Coco, you…”
It disappeared. The wickedly tangled emotional synchronization disappeared.
“What is this?”
“So, that’s…”
“You know, don’t you?”
It wasn’t a question. His words caught in his throat at the question asked with certainty.
Just a few steps inside and he could reach Siwoo, but he couldn’t.
“…Crazy.”
Siwoo jumped up from his spot. Then he ran to the desk and pressed the computer power button. Being out of his mind, he repeated the same mistake again.
He had been doing a live broadcast. With one hand supporting himself on the desk, he covered his eyes with the other hand. What had happened? What conversation did they have?
“It’s because of you! All of it. This is all because of you! You… You…”
His lips trembled. His chest felt stuffy, and in his jumbled mind, unable to control his wildly raging heart, all sorts of words were scrambling to burst out.
It’s because I met you. I think my regression stopped because of you.
That’s actually more unfortunate. Because I’m nothing, because I’m an existence that has to be by your side under the name of friend. So having these feelings, everything, this entire situation right now is all because of you.
If only your dating rumor hadn’t come out. No, if only you hadn’t left that message in the live chat.
If only it weren’t for the rain. It’s because of the damn rain.
It’s not because of Evan, it’s because of the rain. The sound of rain pouring like a downpour filled the space. That damp coldness circled the surroundings.
“Right. It’s all because of me.”
“Why are you doing this to me!”
“Because it has to be you.”
Evan’s words lodged into his madly raging heart.
