Siwoo stared blankly at Taehoon standing in front of him. Having heard Jinwook’s words, he’d clearly come to find him at this late hour.
“Want to drink beer?”
He moved his body aside to make room for him to enter inside and spoke first as he went into the house.
“Your refrigerator is completely empty but you have beer?”
“I have soju too. You know I like somaek.”
“Yeah? Then mix me a delicious one.”
“There’s no proper snacks, but do you want me to crush ramen for you? I sometimes eat it that way.”
Leaving Taehoon, who came in comfortably as if it were his own house and settled on the sofa, Siwoo rummaged through the refrigerator. Beer and soju piled up on the table, and between the two was crushed ramen sprinkled with soup.
Siwoo mixed beer and soju to make a bomb shot and placed it in front of Taehoon, then made his own.
“You’re going to the military?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Timing it with when ‘Journey’ main broadcast ends? If I apply for voluntary enlistment now, wouldn’t it be possible?”
When Taehoon lifted his glass, Siwoo held his glass with both hands, lightly clinked, and refreshingly emptied it.
“One shot because you’re young? Take care of your body. Don’t you know it goes down in one moment?”
“I’m still twenty-three. It’s a bit early to worry. Worry about yourself, CEO-nim.”
“I’m not even forty yet, you know?”
“Must be nice being young.”
A comfortable conversation passed that made one wonder if this was really a conversation between a CEO and an agency singer.
“Hyung.”
“What, man.”
Siwoo, who had drunk three glasses while Taehoon drank one, spoke first.
“You hate me, right?”
“Then would I like you? I was harassed by people and phone calls all day. I’m aging because of you, aging.”
“You’re still vigorous.”
“Are you doing this after laying it bare just a moment ago?”
At Taehoon’s sigh, Siwoo made an awkward smile and made another bomb shot in front of him.
“Why are you running away again?”
“Running away, what.”
“Do I not know you, you bastard? Man. You’re a guy who would go smoothly if you just appeared on broadcasts a few times, so why do you spare yourself like that? What’s this excuse? Let me hear the excuse for running away.”
At Taehoon’s straightforward question, Siwoo put ramen in his mouth and chewed, making crunching sounds.
“Because I’m scared.”
Taehoon didn’t rush him, and Siwoo didn’t hurry either.
“Tsk. Mix another glass. You drink amazingly well.”
Their conversation didn’t continue further. Siwoo’s face, already drinking his fifth bomb shot, flushed pink. His whole body was warm and hazy, and Siwoo’s emotions ran wild here and there.
“I’m sorry.”
“At least you know?”
“I’d be an idiot if I didn’t. Why are you so good to me? You know I’ll roll if you just make me roll, right?”
“Man. Why are you doing this?”
“What?”
“Being a performer.”
“Right. Why am I doing it?”
As alcohol started flowing through his blood, in the dreamy floating feeling, Siwoo’s lips kept sneakily rising.
“Go to the military. I won’t stop a guy who wants to go. I also made a promise with you when booking ‘Journey.’ Will you come back to this industry after you return?”
“Ah, shit. Hyung, why are you always like that? Why are you so damn nice? That’s why it’s always like this. Ah really, next time I’ll gift you lottery tickets. Got it? That’s all I can do for you.”
“Look at this, melting people while smiling slyly, you’re drunk. Man, I’m leaving. Title shoot for the program, then commentary after that, company dinner when the main broadcast airs. First, these are the official schedules. Any other questions?”
“I owe you too much debt, hyung.”
“Don’t cling to me, man. I’m getting attached.”
“Can’t I get a little attached? Since hyung is doing this for me, I’ll make you a promise too.”
At first they sat facing each other, but before he knew it, Siwoo, who had sneaked next to Taehoon, hugged him tightly with his swaying arms and mumbled.
“Don’t. Why would I make a promise with you just because you’re pretty?”
“CF. I’ll definitely shoot one CF no matter what. And I won’t receive settlement for that, so whether you process it as company funds or whatever, do as you please, hyung.”
“Let’s not have two words from one mouth. Siwoo-ya, do you even know how much you’re worth right now?”
Siwoo, who shrugged his shoulders, let go of Taehoon and got up from his seat. A few thousand? A few hundred million? Money wasn’t important to Siwoo. If he could repay the debt he owed Taehoon with that, it wasn’t regrettable at all.
“Hyung. I’ve been thinking, you know what’s the most unfair?”
Looking at Taehoon getting up as if really going to leave, Siwoo tilted his head.
“Does a guy who lives doing as he pleases have something unfair?”
“Let’s say I go to the military according to plan. I worked hard spinning and suffered all kinds of hardship. But I open my eyes the day before discharge, and I’m eighteen years old. Then I’d really be pissed.”
“You’re drunk, drunk. Don’t come out, man.”
As time passed, Siwoo, whose drunkenness rose, staggered following Taehoon and leaned against the wall by the front door. Really, then I’ll cry. Isn’t that the worst? The most ideal thing is if I open my eyes now and I’m eighteen years old.
Siwoo spoke sincerely, but Taehoon, hearing it as drunk nonsense, left his house.
The front door closed and Siwoo, left alone, slid down along the wall and crouched.
“Nobody knows, nobody. Believe me a little. I spoke with so much courage. But next time I’ll really give you lottery tickets, hyung. I really promise.”
Siwoo, who hugged his legs with both arms, buried his face in his knees. Strangely, he’d become a crybaby again. Since regression started, he could count on both hands the times he’d cried.
All of this seemed to be a problem that arose from not being able to regress. A long sigh flowed from Siwoo’s mouth as he closed his eyes and buried his face in his knees.
He’d be crazy, but he suddenly wanted to see Evan.
It seemed like it would be okay if he saw those green eyes sunken in that deep darkness. When he was with him who said strange things and was willful, when he saw those eyes, an inexplicable sense of stability came.
Siwoo raised one hand and tried gripping the air. He slowly opened his hand then slowly clenched it.
Nothing was caught. What if what was caught right now was his large, warm hand?
Siwoo’s gaze turned toward the bedroom. There was his phone with the power turned off.
He wanted to check that message that said [I’m sorry] that he’d tried hard to ignore. If he pressed the speed dial number, then the benefits of civilization would connect him and himself.
“I can’t even drink anymore.”
Carefully and slowly, Siwoo got up from his seat. Alcohol made him too emotional.
Going into the bedroom just like that, Siwoo fell onto the bed, squeezed his eyes shut, and curled his body into a ball. At some point, curling his body round like a fetus while sleeping had become his habit.
Though he’d slept for quite a long time, the alcohol that encroached on his whole body led Siwoo to the world of sleep.
* * *
“Are you really not turning on your phone?”
“There’s no reason I need to turn it on. You’re here too, and there’s no other schedules in particular, and given the atmosphere I can’t go to school for a while either.”
Siwoo wore truly spectacularly ripped jeans with a loose knit and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. Truly his first outing in a week.
He didn’t turn on the computer and his phone remained turned off. He didn’t turn on the TV either, and all he’d done during that time was read books piled up at home.
What he’d chosen was escape. What was obtained by depending on others wasn’t his own. He didn’t want to be swayed by things like his current popularity level or community reactions right now.
“You’re really stubborn too. Did you really make that decision in the end? You who makes such a decision. Taehoon hyung who lets that be. Ah, I don’t know. So really row when the tide comes in!”
Siwoo, who looked at himself once in the mirror, opened a drawer and found a bucket hat to press down on his head.
“It’s row when the tide comes in.”
Jinwook, who got excited easily, had a habit of speaking messily when his mind was urgent.
“Hey. Wear sunglasses too.”
Siwoo, who was about to go out before Jinwook, had to turn his body again at his words as he blocked him and went ahead. Is this really the life of a popular person? Though his face was all covered because of the bucket hat, Jinwook only opened the front door after confirming Siwoo wore sunglasses and even a mask.
“Some complaints came in from the neighborhood, so you’ll have to move.”
Because it was a luxury officetel overlooking the Han River, reporters couldn’t come and go freely. Instead, waiting for Siwoo to come out made the surroundings chaotic, and complaints arose from that.
“I’m going to the military soon, what moving. They said reporters are coming to today’s filming.”
“There’s no way to block even that, right? For now, I told them you rested at home for a week due to fatigue from traveling and poor condition, so know that. If someone asks, don’t give a weird answer.”
There was no reason to prepare a proper van, so they chose Siwoo’s SUV as transportation.
“Ah, really I have nothing to say. What is all this?”
Siwoo, who sat in the back seat instead of the passenger seat, stuck out his tongue at the blackout curtains stuck all over the window. The car, which only had lifestyle tinting rather than dark tinting where the outside couldn’t be seen well, could easily be looked into from outside. That’s why they seemed to have temporarily put up blackout curtains, but the problem was their pattern.
“Why? When I looked for the fastest delivery, this was all there was. Isn’t it cute?”
I’m sure you would think so. Surrounded by blackout curtains with cute animals drawn on them, Siwoo felt like he’d come to a zoo. Zoo, safari. Siwoo looked at the empty seat next to him. The phantom of someone touching a camera shimmered and soon disappeared.
Normally Siwoo would have taken out his phone to play games and look at this and that, but he took out a book from his bag. To him who had become accustomed to life without a phone, books were no different from daily necessities.
“Did you check the filming cue sheet?”
“Five people do individual filming first, then after group filming you, last is Evan. We have to prepare at the shop and go right over.”
It was a book he’d clearly taken out to read, but the book was spread open on Siwoo’s lap.
He would meet him soon. Siwoo breathed in short gasps. He decided to treat him as if nothing had happened, no different from usual, like that.
But the moment he faced him, Siwoo’s resolution crumbled.
“Hi.”
Because he didn’t expect to see him at the shop instead of the filming location.
