“Are you okay?”
He’d gotten in the car as if pushed and didn’t even know how he’d sat down in his seat. Since black and red dots were still floating before his eyes, Siwoo covered his eyes with both hands. He should have said he was okay, but his whole body was trembling so much that his mouth wouldn’t easily open.
He lowered one of the two hands covering his eyes and touched his neck. It was the first time he’d had his neck strangled in any way. More than anything, if Evan hadn’t pulled him and dragged him out in that situation? He didn’t want to think about the aftermath.
“Haa―.”
He opened his mouth, but the first thing that came out was a sigh that couldn’t hide his trembling.
“I don’t know if I should be making you like this.”
At the small voice that seemed like muttering, Siwoo slowly lowered the hand covering his eyes. The first thing he saw were Evan’s eyes sitting in the opposite seat looking at him. Those pupils that sparkled in a light green color when receiving sunlight were now a deep blue-green.
“Ahem, thank you. This kind of thing is a first for me, and I was pretty shocked.”
Siwoo, who’d cleared his throat a bit, finally broke their entangled gaze and lowered his head. Even now, it seemed like someone was calling his name. They’d even hurriedly changed flight tickets and entered the country to deliberately avoid this kind of thing, but it had been completely useless.
“Should we have called all the reporters and come in noisily?”
Siwoo, who’d been lowering his head, raised it at Evan’s touch grabbing and lifting his chin. Not stopping at matching gazes, Evan’s gaze that made him tilt his head back reached his neck. The white skin was flushed red.
He’d expected some commotion to happen, but he hadn’t expected them to rush at Siwoo so blindly. If he’d paid a bit more attention, he would have known his hood was grabbed, but missing that was his own fault.
“No. I really didn’t expect it, it happened because I couldn’t respond properly. I now understand why you told me to cover my face like that and walk quickly.”
Siwoo laughed softly in embarrassment and raised his hand to cover his neck again. He’d been thinking too complacently. He knew about the indiscriminate actions of those called sasaeng fans. He’d just never been the target.
“I don’t think of those rude people as fans, so I don’t want to show them any side of me. I had no choice but to ignore them as much as possible and pass by quickly. Anyway, it’s all my fault, so I’m sorry.”
“I’m really learning one thing after another like this. I’ll be more careful from now on. Ah, but our Jinwook hyung? Plus my car is in the public parking lot.”
They say even a tiger comes when you speak of it—at Jinwook’s call that came just in time, Siwoo was able to escape from Evan’s gaze that had been sticking tenaciously to him.
“I’m fine. Where are you, hyung?”
Seeing Evan, who’d been facing him right in front, properly sit in the seat next to him, Siwoo shifted his gaze outside the window. Late afternoon. Because of the dark tinting, nothing was properly visible. Even when he slowly blinked his eyes, the dots before his eyes created from excessive exposure to strong light didn’t easily fade away.
Siwoo raised his hand again to cover his eyes. It seemed better to just close his eyes for a moment.
He listened to the excited Jinwook’s incoherent words. He could still hear murmuring sounds behind him.
“Hyung, you’re still at the airport, right? Ah, then I’ll talk about it and contact you again.”
Along with the words that he was still at the airport and that he even had Siwoo’s SUV car keys, a long sigh flowed out. Going back to the airport didn’t seem to make sense, and it seemed best to get off at an appropriate place and meet Jinwook to go.
“You can’t go back.”
As if guessing what Siwoo would say, the answer came back as soon as he ended the call, and Siwoo lowered the hand covering his eyes.
“I don’t want to go back either. For a while, I don’t even want to look at the airport vicinity. Since Jinwook hyung has my car keys, drop me off at an appropriate place. Then I’ll meet Jinwook hyung and―”
“Kim Siwoo. You still don’t understand the situation?”
This was Evan who’d never been stern in front of him until now. He’d always worn a warm and gentle expression. But now he was looking at Siwoo with a cold, hard voice and an even colder gaze.
“The ordinary Kim Siwoo who comfortably walked the streets until now doesn’t exist anymore. What happened just now wasn’t only because of me either. Think a little. You’re saying you’ll get off the van now? Get off a car that blatantly shows a celebrity is riding in it? On the middle of the street at that? Can’t you think about what might happen?”
“Hey. That’s too harsh.”
At Evan’s aggressive words, Siwoo furrowed his brow. He’d kept thinking he was sorry and had thought of this method because he didn’t want to cause him harm in any way. He couldn’t understand why he was speaking so sarcastically and getting angry.
“Kim Siwoo. Do you want to try rising to a position where no one can treat you carelessly?”
At Evan’s incomprehensible words, Siwoo shook his head.
“Liar.”
His cold words pierced into his heart. He’d wanted to gain popularity more than anyone. There were times when he wouldn’t refuse to do anything. He’d tried promoting with group members on the street, and there were times when he didn’t stop dancing and singing on a makeshift stage at a rural marketplace full of elderly people.
Repeated failures made Siwoo infinitely small. The fact that he was still in this field while failing and getting buried like that meant there might still be a thread of hope in one corner of his heart. No one had ever asked so directly like this.
It was as if he was looking transparently into his insides like a mirror.
“Say honestly what you want to do. I’ll make anything come true.”
His out-of-the-blue words were very ticklish like a devil’s temptation and confident like a genie granting wishes. He was flustered and surprised, but when countless people shouted his name, it was thrilling. The moment he saw cameras and phones directed only at himself and Evan, his breath stopped. Perhaps he’d wanted to receive this kind of excessive attention.
He’d precisely pinpointed his hidden desires. If he’d received such a proposal before regressing countless times, he’d probably have grabbed the devil’s hand without hesitation.
As various complex emotions mixed together at the same time, Siwoo turned his head to the opposite side from him. He didn’t want to say anything. No, he couldn’t predict what words would pop out if he opened his mouth now.
“Where’s your home?”
After a short silence, the voice Evan heard was soft and warm as usual.
“Cheongdam-dong.”
Siwoo, who’d already given up on the idea of getting off in the middle, obediently stated his home’s location. A voice without emotion, as much as Evan’s voice that had become peaceful, flowed from Siwoo’s mouth.
Until they entered the underground parking lot of the officetel where Siwoo lived, only silence filled the car. Whether it was originally like this, both Evan’s road manager who was driving and the manager sitting in the passenger seat were quiet.
When the car stopped, Siwoo unfastened his seatbelt. In Siwoo’s eyes as he was about to say words of thanks and get off, he saw Evan unfastening his seatbelt. Since Siwoo was on the inside, he had to pass by him to get off.
“Coco.”
“Thank you for the ride.”
Evan called him, but Siwoo brought out a greeting to everyone.
“You―”
“Thanks for caring all this time.”
Not knowing what words Evan would bring out, Siwoo cut off his words.
“Please move aside for a moment.”
Evan spoke to the managers, not Siwoo, and only the two of them remained in the car.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry.”
When was he cornering someone—Evan’s apology was simple. But its weight was absolutely not light.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. I was short-sighted, and something big almost happened because of me. I can fully understand you getting angry and annoyed.”
This was what Siwoo was like. Being swayed by emotions and getting worked up wasn’t his true self.
“You don’t understand. Why I’m being like this.”
“Evan. I’ll be honest. Right now you and I seem sensitive. Be careful going in.”
Strangely, Evan kept provoking him. He’d thrown a very large stone into his pond that had stopped without even a bit of wind, and so had no ripples at all. Not just once, as if he couldn’t watch the pond become calm, he kept throwing stones.
And in those waves, Siwoo helplessly shook, felt dizzy, and found it hard to think normally.
“Don’t hold back.”
“Hold back what? You know you’re really being weird, right?”
He’d thought he’d barely found stability, but Evan threw another stone.
“I feel like I’ll go crazy because of you several times a day, no, even at this very moment. No, I’ve gone crazy. Answer.”
“Answer what?”
Siwoo didn’t want to have a long conversation with him. His insides were boiling up again. Words he couldn’t say were raging in his chest. Irritation surged, he was angry, and his chest became stuffy as if it would burst. But he pressed it down. Because this kind of thing was easy. As he thought, Siwoo’s voice didn’t contain much emotion.
“I told you. I can grant anything you want. I’ll make it so those bastards can’t dare touch you.”
“What are you saying by yourself?”
Siwoo took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He was at his limit now too. If he stayed here any longer, he felt like he’d explode. They’d filmed the program well together, and it had been fine until he looked at the photos he’d taken on the return flight, no, even until they left the arrival gate.
Since getting in the van, Evan had been sensitive and really strange to an incomprehensible degree.
“Kim Siwoo. Answer. I can give you everything. Whether it’s material or mental. Whether it’s visible popularity or anything. I can do it all. Because only I can do it. You answer. That you want it.”
“Interesting, Evan. Evan-nim, leader of Ocean. Evan-nim who has everything in the world. What do you know to say that? Since you’re up there, someone like me looks funny, right? If you do as you please, do you think I’ll move like a puppet? Yeah. If I stick next to you, I’ll at least get to see a bit of the view up there for a moment. Do you think things will change after that? As you say, I might gain popularity. Thanks to the broadcast. Or if you promote me starting right now, it’ll be possible. Tying us together as best friends or whatever and rising by rubbing against your popularity.”
At Evan’s arrogant and haughty command, Siwoo also exploded. When was the last time he’d shouted at someone like this? But Siwoo couldn’t finish his words. What’s left for me after rising like that? It’s the little mermaid’s sea foam anyway, I’ll go back again. Then what’s left in my hands?
Siwoo roughly opened the door and got out of the car. Since he saw his luggage in front, he roughly bowed his head once toward the managers and walked quickly. He bit his lower lip hard. He didn’t look back. When the elevator door opened, he got on and quickly pressed the close button.
As the elevator door slowly closed, Siwoo collapsed as if crumbling. Though it wasn’t that long a time, his face was drenched with tears.
